Welcome to Facebook Recovery!  We are so happy that you decided to join our fellowship.  If you would please step in the line that best describes why you are here.  Oh and keep moving.

Wait, before we go any farther, let me get my bullhorn…DOES ANYONE HAVE INSURANCE?  PPO? PLEASE GET IN YOUR WALLETS AND PURSES AND PULL OUT YOUR INSURANCE CARDS.

 

TAKE OUT YOUR INSURANCE CARDS AND IF IT HAS A PPO ON IT PLEASE RAISE YOUR HANDS. IF YOU RAISED YOUR HAND YOU ARE GOING TO FOLLOW THE BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MAN YOU SEE WALKING THIS WAY.  GO AHEAD AND GET OUT OF LINE AND FOLLOW ANDY. ISN’T HE CUTE?  IF YOU HAVE ANY COMPLAINTS GUYS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND ME A MESSAGE MY NUMBER IS ON ALL OF THOSE TSHIRTS AND GOODIE BAGS THAT ANDY IS GIVING YOU NOW.

Okay, where were we?

Oh yeah…ugh…if you are here because you are in active addiction you should know that there are about 5 pages and 3 groups that really give a shit about you.  Please search aimlessly for one of those and I am sorry we cannot instruct you any farther.  While searching please note that you must not share anything that has triggers on them ( triggers are just about every damn thing )  Be sure to share the hell out of everything that we tell you to.  If you witness anything criminal or just down right wrong please keep it to your damn self.  We can’t stand negativity it messes with our flow of saving lives, ( the ones with the PPO )

Families we know that you are worried about you loved one ( you really should have got better insurance ) but you are welcome to follow the addicts with the shitty insurance to the family groups.  Feel free to jump into the addict groups too so that you can chime in every chance you get.  By the way, no go fund me’s ok!!

Now if you find a group you are interested in joining please do so.  Ignore the marketer hiding in the corner waiting to pounce, we know he is scary but truth be told he’s not there for you anyway, your insurance sucks.  When you get into the group you believe is honest and doing good things open up and tell your story.  The groups are closed so that no one can read what you wrote.  ( except the 10,000 members who are pros at screenshotting) They will be more than happy to ensure that everyone you love hears all about it if you make the mistake of doing anything anyone doesn’t like.

Do me a favor don’t message me ok.  I am a busy person.

You are on your own —see you around friend!!

 

Note:

This is for entertainment purposes, not to be taken seriously ( lmao )

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