We’re all talking about how nonaddicts stigmatize those of us with the disease of addiction, but more concerning to me is the way we, who suffer from the same disease, stigmatize and judge each other for traveling a different road to recovery. How did we get so righteous and indignant?
Why are we not overjoyed when a desperate sick and suffering human being stops using dirty needles, stealing from their kid’s piggy banks, or any other insane act in order to get money to get high just one more time. How can we possibly say we’re in recovery working the program, but in the same breath tell another addict they’re not really clean because they’re on Suboxone, Methadone or whatever maintenance drug they need to not do the low down, grimy shit they were doing the day before to try and recapture that 1st high.
Where is the empathy and compassion people need at this fragile time in their life? People in N.A., which I love because that’s where I learned there was a way out of that madness, say I’m not in recovery and can’t take on a commitment if I’m on MAT’s, or chair a meeting. Bill W. said some place in a letter before he died I think, and this is not a quote, but his hopes were for A.A. to evolve alongside modern medicine and science. I’m clean and in recovery and I take Suboxone and I’m fuckin proud of it.
I used to be one of those rigid nazi’s for many years who thought abstinence is the ONLY way, but God decided to show me where I was mistaken. There are people that have double digit years of abstinence and that’s all it is. They wouldn’t know a step if they tripped over it. They’re miserable and hateful, but like to tell me I’m not in recovery or can’t be part of their elite club because I take a prescribed medicine from my Dr. So be it. Say what you will. I know what I am!
I have a sponsor in A.A. an oldtimer, historian who has taken me through the 12 steps and no one nowhere is going to tell me I’m not really clean! So if you’re not robbing your mother and collapsing every vein in your body for one more shot of pure, uncut misery, Congratulations! Welcome to recovery! Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not really clean or you have to do it their way. You just keep rockin it any way you can, and I pray you find your path to never ending recovery. For now, just don’t use for 1 day, and try to be a little better person than you were yesterday. I promise you will find your way to a life second to none.
Author: Carla Marotto